this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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