dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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