Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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