So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
