id be glad to
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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