i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
