I'm drive I can fine osifer
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
