Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
