Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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