No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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