I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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