strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
