So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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