Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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