i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
