I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
