It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
