the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
