I am puke
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
