when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
