If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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