im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
