She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My balls are so social today.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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