there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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