Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
