My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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