Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
