We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
