So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
