Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
