I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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