So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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