It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
