hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
