hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
