Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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