Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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