I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
