You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
