there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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