so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
