so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
