I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
