he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
