I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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