RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
