I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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