guys are not supposed to queef...right?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
