I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
