then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
