She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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