onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
