about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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