similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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