Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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