Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
someone owes me an orgasm
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
